Bears and ‘Coons Networking

Recently I’ve become convinced that the wildlife have hacked the dsl lines in my area and are wildly surfing the internet.

And using it to network, trading tips on where the best meals are.  I bet they have their own websites:  BestRoadkillCafe.com, HotOffthePavement.org., WheretheWormsAre.com.

I believe in our case we made it to the number one spot on the list of All-You-Can-Eat-Buffets.

How else to explain the fact that we have had chickens for three years and no predators at all?

And then in the space of ten days we have 1 bear and at least 2 raccoons, and maybe something else, because, well, they don’t leave a calling card – just dead chickens.

Well, I lie.  We did have a bear two years ago.  But it was killed and the problem ended there.

Until our recent massacre.

And then bear #2 came.  But we promptly got rid of him.  And had one day of peace – before the raccoon(s) started in on us.

And in the end left us with one chicken.  (We started out with seventeen).

But no worries.  We have installed an electric fence now.  Our pen was, we thought, pretty predator-proof.  Even the game warden who came out two years ago for bear #1 said so.  

And how else can you explain it BUT that they have internet access?  I’m positive that the bear’s facebook status was “out at the blue house getting another chicken.”  When the raccoons saw that two days had passed and he hadn’t checked back in….off they went.  And hit the jackpot.

I just hope they update their status (to “electrified”).  And take us off the all-you-can-eat buffet list.   

22 thoughts on “Bears and ‘Coons Networking

  1. This is HILARIOUS, Anne. I nearly spit out my coffee reading the bear’s FB status. Even our predators are getting more tech-savvy. Thanks for this very fun piece, and I hope the electric fence helps out. -A

    • Thanks for reading, Alexandra! We have an electric line on the top of our fence, so we are hoping that keeps everyone out! We have 9 more new chickens, which have helped the one leftover immensely. She had been just staying in the house and not coming out at all before we brought the 9 new ones (I would too if I saw 16 of my friends steadily picked off like that)!

      • Anne – Have you ever read the book (an old one) called Flossy and Bossy about two chickens? I think you might like it, especially since we know chickens have personalities too! -A

      • I have not. Is it a kids’ book? I will check it out. And yes, indeed, they do have personalities, which has turned me off of chicken nuggets entirely 🙂

  2. This is so cute. I am happy to find your blog site and I so much enjoy reading what you write. I am glad that you have taken the challenge. I will email you soon with some new places for you to write for. Ann LeFlore

  3. Oh, Anne!
    First, I’m sorry about the chickens.
    Secondly, I adore your sense of humor about the entire situation. THANK YOU for the laugh!

    I look forward to finding the electrifying statement from the ‘coons and bears.

    • Thanks so much for reading, Mysti. Yes, it was quite a sad situation to find our chickens attacked like that. And some of those chickens we’ve had for 3 years, and though it sounds funny, I really had become attached (they even had names). The one they left us with, poor girl, was unfortunately not one of my favorites. She was always such a wimp. But now she is the leader of the new flock and so is coming out of her shell. So there is some silver lining for her!

  4. Anne…I’m leaving my comment here instead of on FB, just because, well, because I’m shy. It’s my secret so please don’t spread it around…. 😉

    The most natural solution to the raccoon problem, of course, is to get yourself a nice big, intimidating dog, like an Irish Wolfhound, or maybe an English mastiff. They’re great family animals, devoted to humans, and well able to scare off, or even make lunch of, the random small animal. You might have to train it well enough to keep it from taking on a bear, but anything else would be pretty much eliminated as a serious threat to the peace of your chickens…Your post showed a good sense of humor about it, and I like that. It makes life so much more tolerable; there is way more than enough bad news out there for anyone.

    Good luck with your blog; I’ve subscribed so I’ll check it out when you post. BTW, I’m also on WordPress, under my user name ‘gigoid’. It’s at http://www.gigoid.wordpress.com. Feel free to check it out; I post every day. Actually, what I write here is part of a very long series of blogs I’ve written for over ten years. Up until April, or May, it was only published by email, but then I retired, and started posting it online (along with posting things at goodblogs & other sites), at another site, SFGATe I’ve only missed two days since April, so there are quite a few now.there. I just started posting them here at wordpress, but I like it a lot better than where I was.

    Probably TMI, but hey chalk it up to the bourbon…..anywho, I’ll be back to see what else you write. Carpe that old diem!….

    • Well, we do have a dog, but can’t leave her out all night which is when the raccoons primarily do their hunting. We actually used to have a mastiff – our first dog. She was so sweet – but what a lug! The electric fence seems to be the charm so far.
      Thanks so much for reading. I will check out your blog momentarily!
      And shy – yeah, right! lol!

  5. Hahahaha!! I nearly woke Jax up I was laughing so hard. I have my own wars with the wildlife out here! We just sent Captain out to chase the deer out of our blackberries an hour ago 🙂

  6. Anne Katherine I wondered where you ran off to? Though I wouldn’t find you playing with Booboo and Yogi! I do declare that Mr. Ranger ain’t up on the latest WI FI, yeh reckon! Well as usual you are as funny as can be! Glad to see you on here! I love ur writing!
    Lori

    • Thanks so much for reading, Dayle!
      So far, so good. We got 9 new chickens, and far the new flock of 10 has survived – the electric fence seems to be the charm (it’s just an electric line at the very top of our very high fence). I am so happy now, because it was just horrible finding them killed, day after day, like that!

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