Real Sunshine

 

Presume I was high

on the sunshine of our early days

The brightness sprayed through my veins

Yellow sprinkled down my mouth

Drunk just from standing next to you

Permit my present stupor

Harvesting your farewell

Raking around for the overlooked seed

That omened this descent

Finding berry wine to be

a vapid substitute

for what I thought was real

This was written for Shawna’s Monday Melting Prompt atΒ rosemarymint.wordpress.org! Β 

25 thoughts on “Real Sunshine

      • Like any poetic form, they take practice. They are deceptively simple, difficult to master. I’m glad you liked them. Let me know if you give them a try. πŸ™‚

      • Will do! I can see that they do look very simple, but to stick to the form and have it resonate with meaning…now that’s the hard part! But your site was inspiring! I will be sure to let you when I decide to give it a try!

      • There are assorted versions of haiku. Don’t feel intimidated by rules; just write. πŸ™‚ Let your words be your heroin.

      • Good point, though I will have to read up on the various versions! I only know 5-7-5 and have it be meaningful. But I see there’s a lot more to it than that!

      • And apparently the syllabic requirements of 5-7-5 aren’t even accurate for true Japanese poetry, which is based on sounds not syllables. One would essentially have to speak Japanese to write true haiku. πŸ™‚

        Just write in 5-7-5 for starters. To me, the most important thing is that there be a deeper meaning beyond what is literally being said … some kind of moral or bit of wisdom or truth. Or at least words that make you think—trying to figure out what it means to you on a deeper level. Then there’s the cut. The first half speaks of one thing, and then there is a turn that says something else, goes deeper, sheds new light, or surprises you. Does that make sense? There is also supposed to be some reference to nature, weather, seasons, etc. But I use the 5-7-5 form without all the other requirements all the time.

      • Thanks so much, Shawna. You are inspiring me. I really admire the ones you’ve written for exactly what you’ve said – the many layers of meaning they have beyond the initial impression. And then to step back and see that done w/ so few words. I am going to go read what I can about haikus!

      • Awesome. Yousei is really inspiring in the world of haiku. She really knows what she’s doing. I love reading hers and coming up with possible meanings. She never intended what I see, and that to me is the coolest thing about haiku.

  1. Yay! You wrote. πŸ™‚

    I love your commands, as if you are finally taking control: “Presume I was high” and “Permit my present stupor.”

    “high on sunshine” … This happens easily, but sunburns can be quite dangerous; I’m impressed with you using drug references (this and the spray in your veins); you always say you know nothing about drugs. πŸ˜‰ And goodness girl, you are injecting AND drinking your drug—a dangerous cocktail.

    Love this: “Drunk just from standing next to you”; great use of “omened” as a verb.

    Nice touch with the berry wine as a weak but safer substitute. No one wants to OD or get skin cancer. πŸ™‚ I love berry wine, by the way. A much wiser choice than heroin, I’d say.

    Fantastic job, Anne Katherine. You made my day by writing a poem!

    You have a couple of typos: “brightness” and “harvesting”

    • Yes, at long last. I really struggled w/ this one… I’m sorry it’s so late, but I am glad I stuck it out and finished it (at least for now)!
      Yes, and I was trying to get this person to take control.
      And thanks so much for catching my typos. I was not quick to get this finished (at home), but I did try to get it up last night too quickly…and with such obvious typos! But I appreciate you catching them!
      Can’t wait for the next prompt…hopefully it will roll out a little easier. Maybe I’ll give a haiku a go (??) Yikes!!

      • I have misspellings in almost everything I write these days. Sometimes I catch them quickly, but not always. Don’t even worry about it. Please keep writing. I’ll give you a word list every day if you need me to. πŸ™‚

  2. Anne – I am late to the poem-praising party here:), but please keep these wonderful poems coming. I love your imagery and metaphors here, especially in the first stanza and that neat internal rhyme “sprayed” and “veins.” Great work – you really are a triple threat type of writer–fiction, poetry, essays. Superb. -A

    • Alexandra and Anne Katherine (and anyone else inclined to write poetry): I just posted a bonus word list, so come write me more poems. πŸ™‚

  3. I thought it was beautiful…in a sad sort of way…it made me feel like there was longing there that was being missed. I love being moved by writing whether its happy or sad…nicely done!

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